When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:49:57 GMT

so....

why am I not allowed to get set off by every individual disagreement?

Just askin.

ya, things are not going well at home. As you might imagine, there have been some personality clashes between my mother and myself, which most recently resulted in my mother pitching a fit and then storming off to her room, slamming the door, and my father having to go in there and listen to her vent. Honestly, I wish I was kidding.
In all fairness, yesterday I was the one overreacting, but that manifest in me crying and grasping for words to explain why I've felt like shit the past few weeks. I know that a big problem for me is that I need time to really think and materialize what is really going on, which is why every time my mother wants to talk about what's going on, I refuse.
So I've decided to try to write down what's been bugging me (not here) and have a sort of list of grievances ready. That sounds mean, but I won't be able to say anything if I don't first think about it and write it down.

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:37:58 GMT

ok, so if you've already checked facebook this afternoon, you probably already know this, but I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW!

I forgot to mention 2 weeks ago I had a really good phone interview for a campus ministry position at the Newman Center at GWU. This priest and I seemed to agree on a lot of stuff, and he was actually cracking jokes with me at the time. He had told me that I'd done well, so I was pretty sure I could land another interview.

But then when I didn't hear from him, I called him and left a message last Thursday. Was starting to get worried about it, and then he called me this afternoon and asked if I'd be able to come in for a face-to-face interview. So I'll be going in on Monday since it's the only weekday I'll have off and have enough time before and after to come in for. I already called Steph, so I'll be able to stay with her and her fam in Annapolis. That's kind of an added bonus since I haven't seen them since June.

I'm really excited. I've already called both my parents and my grandmother to let them know, so I'll have a lot of people praying that it goes well. This isn't like the other interview where I felt like I was just going through with it to keep my options open. I really want this job, and I've tried to make that apparent without being too pushy. Also, I think that I'm an ideal candidate inasmuch as I'm not dating or married, so I can literally let my job be the biggest thing in my life, and I can commit to giving weekend retreats or staying late nights. Also, having the religious education that I've gotten at Ave and Steubie has to stand for something.

Ok, now I'm just rehearsing for this interview. Point is, this is where I want to be, and I think that God/life/fate has brought me to this point for a reason. So if you all could keep that in your thoughts/prayers, I would very much appreciate it.

"Thou art a villain, I jest not!"

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 06:07:20 GMT

Just a disclaimer, this is not intended for any of my lj friends. This is intended for someone else who, unbeknown to me until very recently, has been spying on my lj and VERY selectively been reporting back to other parties.

Ok, I'm a pretty understanding person, and certainly not without faults, but who the hell do you think you are?

How dare you.

How dare you abuse my confidence and discuss my personal matters with others. I would understand if I believed you were doing this out of good natured concern for myself or someone else. But so far this looks like nothing more than malicious attacks on my character. From what I understand (and if I'm wrong, please correct me), your information comes in part from conversations that you overheard. Is it not possible that you misheard or misinterpreted something? And this potentially faulty information has come back to hurt me and those I care about (and yes, that includes Jess).

Furthermore, the issue of you reading this blog and relaying information to others is astounding. I have no idea how it is that you tracked me down on this website, and quite frankly, that's not the issue at hand. But it is clear that you sifted through my personal musings, looked for a particular name, and took whatever was said or even inferred as gospel. Then presented these personal musings as facts to someone else. That is a flagrant violation of my right to privacy, and an abuse of a media that is intended to update my friends (primarily those from high school) about my life.

Had you read with a more objective eye, you would be aware of how ridiculous your claims truly are. I didn't think I would ever need to clarify to anyone that this is a first person account primarily of my thoughts and feelings. I don't always mean what I say because odds are I'm writing when I'm in a particular emotional state and I myself have trouble seeing things clearly. Further, what I say here is meant for a very specific audience. I have not been keeping the privacy settings as high as I usually would because I thought it outrageous that anyone else would find my blog and misuse it in such a way.

But if being more specific about the inner workings of my personal life is going to show you how misled you and those you have been speaking to are, allow me to be blunt here. I am attached to someone. I've been attached to him for nearly two years now. I have spent almost every day of those two years being brushed aside because, as fate would have it, he has been attached to another friend of mine. I do not hold this against either of them, and I wish him every happiness, but my feelings for him have been constant nonetheless. Why would I, when I have feelings for one, pursue someone else?

Other than finding some great friends, my years at this school could basically be summed up in terms of loss. I have lost time, money, ambition, and without these close friendships and constant trust in God I probably would have driven myself mad. And yes, I speak very highly of my friends on this page and I have no problem being very open about how much I love and admire them.

You chose to make your own assumptions about one such person and pervert what I say here into something that would be damaging and hurtful to myself and several others. Further, you did this all behind my back, not even allowing me a chance to defend myself against you. Once again, had you spoken to me, humbled me, I would not be offended. I have no problem with people confronting me about such things, and I'm happy to be completely candid to whoever chooses to be completely candid with me.

I'm not sure who you are, although I have it narrowed down to a pretty small circle, but I do know this about you: you are a coward. You chose to seek out information in ways that you did not thing would get back to me and opted out of allowing me my due process. That tells me that you did not want to be caught. But you have been caught, and I'm very close to pinning you down and speaking to you myself, because I'm not afraid of confrontation enough to let this go away.

I've said a lot of biting things just now. And I imagine that when I talk to you it will be difficult to keep my composure, but I don't hate you or desire any kind of evil for you. I will continue to pray for you and all of the parties in between us, but I still think I'm entitled to an explanation.

Past two weekends...

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 06:07:05 GMT

I really should have posted about a week ago about Mike and Brittany's wedding, but I didn't get around to it, so now I'm doing a double weekend post.

O my Gosh, the wedding was awesome! So Friday we (Elliot, Jackie, Miguel, and me) all met at my house and then drove up state. We stopped at Rainbow River to go snorkeling. I acutally didn't get a whole lot of the underwater action b/c my mask kept filling up with water and I have an extreme irrational fear of any kind of suffocation (drowning is definitely the worst of those fears), so after a few minutes I was perfectly content giving Elliot my mask and chilling with the canoe.
After that we went the rest of the way to Jacksonville and got the boys to their hotel room when Matty called me and told us that everyone was getting together at Brit's house, so we got directions and went over there. Matt was the first person we saw, and he and I completely freaked out. Before we went inside, I made him come to my car b/c I had this paper wieght w/ a viking ship on it (long story) that I had taken from my grandparents house (with their consent) for him. He loved it so much that we went straight inside and he was showing it off to everyone.
Anyway, the night progressed with delicious beer, catching up with all my old Aves, surprise appearance of Danielle (Steubie friend and future sister), and swing dancing with Matty.
Saturday we picked Clare up from the airport and met Elliot and Miguel for lunch before getting ready for the wedding. The ceremony was at this beautiful, traditional church in Jacksonville. Both Mike and Brit were positively glowing, and, if nothing else, that made the ceremony beautiful.
The reception was back in Orange Park, but once we got there at got settled things were good. Matt and I were, of course, the first people on the dance floor when it was opened up for everyone. In fact, we were the only people dancing for that song. There were a ton of pictures being taken of us, and one guy was also taping the whole thing... wierd. Saw a few more Aves and one more Frannie, which was really cool.
After the reception a whole bunch of us went to a bar in St. Augustine because this was most likely, the last we'll all be together for awhile. We ended up staying out so late and I had to take ppl the airport so early that I just stayed up all night and went with a few ppl to Waffle House to get some coffee and food. Around 3 am Matty decided he wanted to try to change his flight to leave later, but when we got to the airport, there was a huge line and I didn't want him to risk missing his flight, so he left, but he called me when he got on his plane and told me that he'd come see me this fall. *happiness*
Ok, so that's the long version of the story. The short version is that I received two sacraments, witnessed a third, danced the night away (twice), caught up with my friends, had some good drinks, and I have a promise that I won't have to wait another whole year before seeing my Matt again. We tried thinking of ways the weekend could have been made better, and all I could think of would be the second coming.

Anyway, this past weekend was also good. I had finally started to rearrange my furniture in my room and really cleaning up. I ended up buying myself a swiffer just for my room and cleaning my floors so I can feel comfortable walking around barefoot in here (it is now a strictly no-shoes zone). Also moved my mom's stuff out, my tv and ps2 in, and I finally managed to find a way to keep my closet relatively orderly. I feel so relieved that my bedroom is finally clean and picked up (for the most part).
Last night was our 5 yr. hs reunion. I wasn't going to go, but Kate and Heather had told me they were going, so I met them and we all went together. It turned out *much* better than we expected. For the most part, it was attended by people I didn't really talk to in high school, but they were all friendly enough and genuinely interested in how everyone's lives were going. I ended up exchanging phone numbers with more ppl than I expected (which means I didn't plan on giving anyone my number), and then Kate, Heather, Mal, Tere and I all went to VI to continue catching up and eat pie.
Today I went to Mass and then I came home and spent some quality time with my ps2 for most of the afternoon. then for dinner my mom made CUBAN FOOD for us! It was the first time I'd had Cuban food for a long time, or really any Caribbean food that wasn't heavily influenced by Indian food, so it was basically amazing.
So ya, this weekend was good too. Not as emotionally charged as last weekend, but it was full of good times :D

good times

Tue, 27 May 2008 21:09:59 GMT

TC: what is your father's first name?
Me: Tom
when he was in school ppl used to call him TC too
TC: lol
thats right
Me: ya, I don't have a complex or anything...
TC: ya, i didn't date a young woman that could be mistaken for my sisters twin, no complex at all
Me: ok, good point, we're both wierd
TC: lol

anyway, I'm finally back home. Trying to find a job, but that's a little difficult because a lot of places already did their hiring for the summer while I was on an epic journey south from steubenville or they're just not hiring seasonal workers.

anyway, that's really all that's going on right now. Kate and Heather, call me if you want to hang out sometime!

random things update

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 04:19:33 GMT

My mission trip was cancelled. Although the board doesn't think Cap Haitian is in any real danger, one can't get there unless one first flies into Port Au Prince, which is really dangerous. So I'm dissappointed, but I understand why they did it. The silver lining is that it gives me a lot more time over the summer, so I'll have more time to work.
Even better than that, my father mentioned again that HBHH is still looking for a missionary to stay down there full time and keep communication up between the opperations in the States and in Haiti. They need to hire a missionary from among people they know, so guess who's name is still being mentioned? That's right, me! Right now my main priority is to finish my degree (with or without the teaching certificate), but after that I don't have any definite plans. They probably won't be looking possible missionaries until after this crisis is cleared up, so that gives me a bit of time to finish up here. I've been praying for humility and a servant's heart, and so far I still feel very called to continue to pursue this.
Speaking of being a servant, this summer I'm going to start my total consecration. I have the book and my chain, but I haven't started reading up on it yet. I plan to start the process on June 13, so I'll finish on the Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel (and consequently my birthday!). Please pray for me that I have the grace to continue to say FIAT.
I have exams this week. My last one is on Saturday. Then I get to leave on Tuesday!!!!! Eric and I will go in his car to Naples, first stopping in Tampa so I can drop my shiz off and take one of my parents' cars to ave. We'll stay for graduation, and then he'll probably hang out more and I'll go straight home. After that I get to go with my parents to Orlando to see my brother and his wife, and then a few days after that I have to meet my mother and my younger brother in Steubie (after they drive in from South Bend). We'll pick up what's left of my stuff, take what we can to Weirton, and then make our way down to TN. We'll stay with my grandparents for a week helping them move out of their cabin, and then drive home. Right after I get home I'm meeting a caravan of Aves to go to Michael and Brit's wedding. The girls will stay with me at Danielle's house and the boy(s) will prob stay with Phil. After all this I get to come home for realsies. I should admit that I mostly wrote this out so that I could get my bearings on the month of May. It's going to be very intense...
anyway, bed is calling, and schoolwork will be calling in the morning, so goodnight all!

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:36:23 GMT

Can i just say that I love undergrad professors? They give me way too much credit for the amount of effort I put into my work. I gave a presentation in one history class that I got a 9.8 out of 10 possible points. Then we had two class discussions in another history class that were graded. I got a 91 the first day and 85 the second. And I really didn't put forth that much effort on either. So score for me!

so things with my friend are...well we're still friends. We went out together on Sunday and talked things through because there were a lot of things I needed time to collect my thoughts on, but I really needed him to know. The conversation was not comfortable, I spent most of it restraining tears (didn't always work) and there were times when I wanted to really hurt this guy. But the conversation served it's purpose.
That's not to say that everything is back to normal, and certainly not to say that things went the way I would have liked them to go. I really hate the way things are now, at least it's real. Hopefully enough time will pass that this won't be a big deal, that I'll see things differently. Actually I'd rather forget about this altogether...

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:33:04 GMT

I know I should update this thing more, but I keep forgetting or not having time. And right now I don't even know where to begin. Something happened with one of my friends yesterday that just totally screwed over the rest of my semester. I'm really really hurt, and I'm really angry, but when I seriously think about it, I'm not angry at him. Not in a "you broke my heart and now I want to rip your face off" kind of way. If anything, it's a "this was the one conversation I never, EVER wanted to have with you, and you still forced this on me" angry. I didn't want this to come up, because I didn't want to be that vulnerable to him, and I was happiest when I didn't know for sure what he would have said. And now it's pretty evident that my worst fears concerning this whole situation were always legit.
Fuck, this sucks.

I'm an awful friend who doesn't update her lj!!!!

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 23:40:57 GMT

soooooooooooooooo...let's start with Spring Break:
I stayed with my grandparents. It was really good to see them, and really good to stay at the cabin, but very challenging. my grandfather is starting to lose his memory and my grandmother is slowly losing her mobility. They're going to be selling the cabin and moving back to their house in town soon. Basically I spent every summer of my life for as long as I can remember until I was about 17 up at this cabin. I have a lot of memories there, and it's going to be very hard to watch as it goes to someone out of the family, but my grandparents need to be in town where they'll be closer to family who can help take care of them. I did get to see some of my old childhood friends while I was there and we did get to go out a few times, but it's been five years since I had seen any of them, and we've all changed a lot, so unfortunately that was not as enjoyable as I thought it would be.
Anyway, I got home safely and school's been going pretty well. I've been hanging out with the Handmaids a lot and going to all of their commitments. Also been spending time with the boys. Yesterday the Stephs picked me up and we went to Confession and then tanning. I know tanning is not good for you, but I've gotten really pale and spring is still a ways away, so I just went for one 10 minute session. Anyway, we also went to lunch and then I went home until Lord's Day. After that Andy and I went to Damon's and then he came over until about 11.
Today I was having a really rough morning and I had a lot on my mind during Mass, so I went to Jake's house after. He was apparently having a slow morning, but he made the best suggestion in the world. Basically we spent the afternoon in Robinson at the Barnes & Nobles looking at cookbooks, and then poetry books and journals. :D We had a talk on the way home about how why we haven't been talking much lately about what's been going on with each of us. We tried to decide if there would be any benefit to opening up, which was considerably difficult since neither of us know for sure what the other person would say. I think that for now we've decided that it will be better for both of us to just not say anything. Even though that conversation was a little wierd, it was great because our conversation involved more than surface-level formalities or mindless banter about things that don't matter. We got home and thanked each other several times for today and then he had to get ready for Mass, so I went home. But it was not a bad day...

update on today

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 06:43:22 GMT

I'm feeling a lot better than I was a few hours ago. I talked to my mother about everything, and we both kind of agreed that it's probably best right now for me to put discernment on the back burner for now because it's really just not worth what's going on right now. I suggested and she agreed that instead of visiting the MCs in Memphis over spring break (which would be pretty awesome), that it would be better for me to go to my grandparents' house. I realized that all this has made me really self-absorbed, so I decided that instead I should go do something for my family. So that's the plan there.
Also, after I updated this earlier the boy wanted to see me for awhile. I don't mind being there for him, but he was doing that thing he does where he stews over whatever is wrong and won't even accept my offer to listen to him. I understand that he's upset, but if you're going to seek out some company (especially from someone who you know has their own shit to deal with), then you either need to let it out or stop bitching for a few minutes and enjoy that company. seriously, I've never been affected so much by anyone's negative energy than maybe Mikie, maybe.
so when I left his place I was even more pissed, and I decided to call Channing to see if she wanted to hang out. She had things to do, so after laying around my living room for a few minutes trying to let it out, I did something that's going to sound kind of silly, but it worked. I got my dance shoes out of my car and went down to the basement and just practiced hardshoe for about half an hour. I know, stupid idea, but there was one time at Ave when I was pissed at neal for something he did right before I went to dance, and afterwards when he approached me Kathleen said something to him about how she'd never seen me jump/kick so high, so he must have really screwed up. Anyway, that was what inspired the one-woman Riverdance in my basement today and is why the concrete floor is all marked up...
anyway, channing did call back later and I went to her dorm and watched Garden State with her. we had to pause it of course because the boy was texting her and other steph about his angst, and eventually steph had to leave to go hang out with him. She asked us if we were going to come too, but we were both too irritated with him to go over. But Garden State was a good movie, and I think I might have to invest in it if I find a good deal.
eventually i did go home and inevitably the boy did text me to see if I wanted to come over. when he confirmed that he was in a better mood i walked over. Found out that he finally cracked today and took a baseball bat to his basement and had an angry field day (which is kind of funny since I was probably in my basement stomping my feet into oblivion at the same time). So I told him that and also that I was glad to have my Jake back.
We both have a long way to go, but tonight was good and I personally am really relieved to be able to let things go for awhile.

Because I need to go ahead and say this...

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 21:01:57 GMT

I've probably alluded to this before, but this semester has not been my finest. People are pissing me off, situations are making me depressed, and I'm not content with my program. After three years of longing to be back here, there are times when I just want to give up and go home.
The hardest part has been my discernment process. I'm afraid that I'm only considering this for the wrong reasons. On one hand, I want to give myself fully to God and emulate Mary in her "yes." On the other hand, I still have feelings for the boy, and the fact that they are still unrequited has only made them grow stronger. I think I've been pressuring myself too much to come up with a decision, and now it's becoming an overwhelming weight (I know, "give it to God" but that's easier said than done).
As far as the boy is concerned, I don't think he still has feelings for me, but every once in awhile he surprises me and does something that makes me think that maybe I'm wrong. Regardless, I shouldn't still be harboring feelings for someone after this long when I know it won't amount to anything.
I have three new roommates this semester. They're all nice people, but two of them don't have cars, which means that they get around chiefly by Christina or myself. I don't know how she's handling it, but it's driving me insane. my free time just isn't my own anymore. And even if that wasn't the case, we just have very different personalities. One girl is very introverted, and it's hard to make conversation with her so I worry that maybe she's annoyed by me. The other is the exact opposite, and I've never been so bored by anyone's mindless banter about themself as I am with her. Everything is "my diet, my household, my teaching" which might not be so bad if I didn't hear the same things over and over again.
anyway, must run. don't want you thinking that everything is horrible, because it's not. I've just needed to get this out for awhile.

it's that time of year again

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 20:35:32 GMT

So I stayed up late (at least for my standards), but I didn't really do a whole lot for Mardi Gras. They had a party at school with a band that had come to Ave 4 years ago, so it was kind of cool seeing them again, but the show at Ave was better because the whole school ended up jumping in the pool for the latter half of the show, and there was no pool in the J.C.
Anyway, I figured that the point of Mardi Gras is to get your fill of whatever it is your sacrificing for Lent, and I'm not sacrificing any food or anything like that. I actually decided to make a conscious effort to do more spiritual reading over Lent. Since I've come back to school, I've been reading at least a chapter every night of Sense and Sensibility right before I go to bed. So basically I decided to put that back on the shelf and dedicate that time to reading some of my Mother Teresa books and whatever else sparks my interest. I know it doesn't sound like a huge sacrifice, but let's put it this way: S&S is a 50 chapter book. I'm on chapter 38 or 39. Plus there are the rest of the Jane Austen novels that were published after that, which means that next up is p&p. What this is all leading up to is that I spent a good deal of time last night in my living room reading and listening to a song I like that has the "H" word in it's title because I won't be able to listen to that until Easter either.
Today I slept in until about 8, but I got to work on time and just went to Mass at noon (which was packed). Amazingly enough Mass actually let out with almost fifteen minutes before my 1:00 class, so I didn't have to rush up the hill or anything. Now I'm just chillin at home until the next time I have to drive someone somewhere (whole other story/rant that I don't want to get into right now). Have a good day everyone!

Back to skool

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 03:25:41 GMT

So, I'm back in Steubie. The retreat I went on was really amazing, and all the girls I met are fabulous. Jesus and I had some good talks and things are a little bit clearer, but I still have no idea what my vocation is. The downside was that I got into Steubenville around 9 pm the night before classes started.
The new roommies are pretty cool, but I don't see us being as tight as we were last semester. One girl is from FL and another is from southern CA, so it's nice having someone understand me when I'm freezing my tail off in this weather.
Classes look like they're all going to be really easy except for Early Experience. I don't have my school assignment yet, but I'm supposed to get it on Wednesday, so I'll actually know what high school I'll be teaching at. Other than that I'm taking School and Society, African-American History, and Colonial America. I think I should be able to maintain my GPA from last semester, so horray for me.
There are other issues associated with coming back that are probably worth addressing, but I'll leave that for another time because I'm really just not feeling up to it, and I need to go to sleep soon. Goodnight everyone!

more random stuff I haven't had time to say anything about until now

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 07:15:30 GMT

So the week after Christmas was really hectic at work, but we all pretty much expected that. Thankfully I haven't been scheduled since New Years Day, so I had time to start packing and sleep in, both were good.
New Years Eve I had to close at work, but that was at like 7:15, so it wasn't terrible. My parents and I were invited to a party, but I've been feeling pretty emotional lately, so I really didn't want to go to Jim's house and be surrounded by a whole bunch of happy coupley people, especially when the ball dropped. So I got home and called Katheryn, who also was invited to a party but didn't want to go for the same reason. So the only thing to do was to watch tv and drink champagne in our pajamas together. I stayed at her house, but I didn't get much sleep and I had to get up early to open at the store, so I was not happy.
For the most part, the only other thing I've really been doing to take up my time is finish watching the last few episodes of Firefly. Two days ago I rented Serenity to see where they took things from there. Overall I loved the movie, especially the mini history of Earth that was surprisingly believeable (of course I do have to say that if the movie had been made a year or two later, the story would have said that everyone left earth because of pollution/global warming, but overpopulation was more of a hot topic then). but I was sad that some people died. Also I wasn't a fan of the scene when Simon helps River to escape because the bad guy's rundown of her psychosis to Simon was inconsistent with how much Simon knew (or didn't know) in the show.
Wow, that was one of the geekiest things I've talked to myself about for a very long time. Rollies would be proud, or they'd just be laughing at me.
Anyway, Heather and I are going out for Chinese tomorrow night and then to a movie, so horray! Then I'll just be getting ready to go back to school. Flying to Nashville on Wednesday, and I'll be staying there until Sunday when I actually fly up to Pitt. Need to make sure someone can pick me up, mostly need to make sure that someone isn't Jake.

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 03:09:10 GMT

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!! Altogether Christmas Day was good. I went to Mass on Christmas Eve, so Christmas morning i spent most of the time wrapping presents that turned out to be my presents (big surprise) and got to take a break long enough to make breakfast for everyone. The breakfast that I had been planning for weeks. The one that I copied down Nick's getta recipe to try it out for the first time. Suffice to say I was a little upset when Byron insisted on making something for himself and didn't want to even try what I had made. But no matter.
Anywho, the rest of Christmas was pretty awesome. Don't really want to mention everything I got, but among my favorites were an unlimited text messaging plan for the family, Season 4 of the Simpsons from Byron, and some kitchen knives from my mother.
Anywho, the rest of Christmas Day was good. Today would have been fine, except that I had to be at work at 5 am, so I had to be up at 4 this morning. Not. Happy. Work basically sucked today, but I survived and then i got to go home and do nothing for the rest of the day.

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 08:24:59 GMT

So considering that I'm home and working a lot, I've been surprisingly social the past week. Sunday I went out to see a movie with Kate and Heather and then we hung out at Heather's house for a few hours exchanging Christmas presents and catching up, so yay for that!
Monday night Steve met me for dinner and then drinks at World of Beer, which turned out to be just like old times, but it was really good seeing him again.
Tuesday Elliot and I went to a surprise graduation party for Michael, so we got to meet some of his and Brit's friends here in Tampa, one of which turned out to be Danielle's sister. That was kind of funny, because I met Danielle at a bar in Steubenville and when we started talking, we realized that we both knew Michael and Brittany.
Wednesday I was ambushed at work by Steve TC and Jocelyn. They threatened to kidnap me, but they were merciful. I would have hung out with them more after work, but I needed to go to the Penance Service at Christ the King, so I decided to go do that.
Even though Fr. Angelus' line was one of the longest, I decided to just wait and go to him, and it turned out to be totally worth it. There wasn't anything particularly profound said, but he did get me to verbalize some things that I already knew but didn't quite admit to yet. Jesus and I are still having some issues with our relationship, but I'm trying to make things better. I miss the boy a little less everyday, but I've been having some dreams about him lately, so I've definitely got a long way to go. I'm hoping to have much less free time next semester, so I won't be able to hang out with the boys as much as I have.
Anyway, tonight I went to see Fred Claus with Katheryn, which was a really good movie. I really liked the message about children that the movie had.

01. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
:: Graduted from university

02. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
:: I don't really make resolutions

03. Did someone close to you give birth?
:: one of my household sisters did, plus a ton of people I'm aquainted with

04. Did anyone close to you die?
:: nope

05. What countries did you visit?
:: Just the US, but hopefully next year I'll be able to say that I went to Haiti!!!!

06. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
:: I just want to know that I'm going to be content with the future that I pick, or rather what picks me

07. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
:: May because it's when I graduated, and September because it was a little too similar to September of 2003

08. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
:: Graduating, getting accepted to grad school

09. What was your biggest failure?
:: probably when I interceded for a friend and then found out a few months later that I should have just let her dig her own grave.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
:: got sick in October, but I was still functioning

11. What was the best thing you bought?
:: probably season 3 of the office

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
:: my parents for dealing with everything that hit them this summer

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
:: Marybeth and Byron

14. Where did most of your money go?
:: school, rent, food, utilities etc.... general living expenses

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
:: adoration at the Port, classes in Egan, and swing dancing with the Brothers...basically everything about being back at Steubie

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2007?
:: "Last cigarette" by Bon Jovi

17. Compared to this time last year, are you...
I. Happier or sadder?: I'm more content, I've stopped fighting my future and I think I'm more at peace with it
II. Thinner or fatter?: a little thinner
III. Richer or poorer?: lol poorer since all the money i have right now i have to pay back plus interest

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
:: fight for what's important

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
:: worry about stupid things that don't matter

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
:: with my family (and of course the love of my life)

21. What was your favorite month of 2007?
:: I guess it was May

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
:: In a manner of speaking

23. How many one-night stands?
:: 0

24. What was your favorite TV program?
:: The Office

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
:: no

26. What was the best book you read?
:: don't know, I'm reading Gone with the Wind now and it's really good

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
:: well I'd already discovered the Killers, 2007 was when I really fell in love with them

28. What did you want and get?
:: acceptance to grad school

29. What did you want and not get?
:: a rasta

30. Favorite film of this year?
:: No Reservations

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
:: 22 I went to Naples to hang out with P Funk and the Maddens, and then the day of my birthday I went to dinner with Katheryn

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
:: I can't think of any one thing that would fit that category

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
:: preppy-chic at work and Church, comfy/hippie elsewhere

34. What kept you sane?
:: legal addictive stimulants...or depressents

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
:: Gerard Butler, but Clive Owen is a very close second

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
:: global warming, but not necessarily because I think there needs to be increased awareness. I appreciate that we need to deal with the issue, but I was more stirred by it becoming the universal scapegoat for everything that's wrong with the world.

37. Who do you miss?
:: different people for different reasons

38. Who was the best new person you met?
:: met a lot of new people, couldn't really say

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
:: That you really never walk the same path twice, or however that cliche goes, it's true

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"I got soul, but I'm not a soldier!"

know what's really sad...?

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 22:39:49 GMT

I was at work today and I saw a jar of Jamaican Jerk sauce and it made me think "aww, I miss MY Jamaican Jerk!"
Makes me want to drink a Washington Apple and watch Moulin Rouge or Firefly and then listen to reggae. On the other hand, apparently I haven't been as sad about the whole thing as I thought. I haven't even been able to cry about it in months. which I'm guessing means that it's just plain not affecting me as much as it did.
I still miss him, but it's not like I thought it would be.

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 06:37:04 GMT

So I'm home
And I start work tomorrow
And I got to hang out with TC tonight at Moe's
And Kate, Heather, and I are probably going to reunite next weekendish
And I got 2 A's and a B for the semester! Grad school's easy...

1. What bill(s) do you hate paying the most?
Rent always sucks

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic time?
umm...1410, with someone...

3. Do you regret losing your virginity?
ya, mostly because of who it was with

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
#3

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Crunchfield or something

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
don't ask...

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
singer or actress

8. How many colleges did you attend?
2: FUS and AMU

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It was clean and it has long sleeves

10. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
I know there must be a way to teleport...

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you who and where?
probably the person from the romantical moment, and we would probably go somewhere in the Carribean

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
my alarm was my mother coming in and removing the remaining clothes from my luggage and throwing everything on the floor so she could use my luggage for her trip. My first thought that I remember was something like "Why is it necessary to throw my shoes on my wood floor so that it makes a lot of noise?"

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I wish God and I agreed on a few things every once in awhile

14. Favorite style of underwear?
cotton hipster-like undies

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
cleaning the grout on the floor of our kitchen, it's a memorable experience

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
ya, I'd probably do missions

18. Get up early or sleep in?
usually early

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
so many to choose from, but probably Meg from "Hercules." She's not your average Disney Damsel, she's very sassy

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
cook *sniff*

21. Have you found real love yet?
"I got an A in Christian Marriage..."
ok, I'm going to ignore the multitude of philosophical and technical questions that come to mind and assume that this is in reference to eros in a his-and-hers-towels kind of way, so yes I have found real love, but there's a lot more to love than being in love, even if the other person feels the same way.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
Living with Rosie made me feel like that a lot. I love her, but at one point she actually said "Cat, you're old and wise, tell me what to do"

23. Favorite 80's movie?
really hard to pick a favorite, but probably right now it's Footloose

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
salami

25. What do you get every time you go into Sam's Club?
I haven't been to a sam's club in about 5 years

26. Beach or lake?
Beach!!!!!

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No.

28. Do you own property?
I own stuff...

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
a certain teen soap opera about 4 kids growing up in a specific part of southern california (here we come)

31. What's your drink?
Amaretto Sout

32. Cowboys or Indians?
Indians with a dot or a feather? Either way I'd say Indians

33. Cops or Robbers?
Cops

34. Who from high school would you like to run into?
maybe some of the Jesuit guys that I used to be friends with, but nobody from AHN that I don't already see on a regular basis

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
not sure, probably 97.1

36. Norm or Cliff?
Norm

37. The Cosbys or the Simpsons?
Simpsons

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
the one with El Gordo, I know I learned a lot and it shaped who I am, but I still regret everything that happened

39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
she's nice but she can get really annoying

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
JOHN KRASINSKI!!!!!!

41. Indoors or Outdoors?
depends, I've been getting in touch with nature a bit this semester, so outdoors are fun

42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
ya, but all that made contact was the side view mirror

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Nope

44. Last book you read for real?
the last one i finished was when I reread Jane Eyre over the summer, I'm still working on Gone With the Wind

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
I have a couple

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
nothing noteworthy comes to mind

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
i'd like to go to fresno and see Jackie

48. Do you go to church?
yep

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
both of those options are complicated by another more pressing personal issue, but I guess career

50. Just how OLD are you?
22

another entry of random recent happenings...

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 02:31:43 GMT

So I got a package from my parents on Thursday, AND IT HAD MY TANGINE!!!! Thus the next logical step was to invite people over for a dinner party on Friday. As it turned out, Andy and Stephen were the only two who could accept invitations, but with my housemates there it wasn't as awkward as it could have been. After that Steve and I went to see the school play (which was "Mary Stuart"). To use a term from the group hang, it was about a MA on a scale of one to Matt...though I probably shouldn't be so critical.
Anyway, Ginny and I finally finished watching season 3 of "the Office" yesterday. We'd already seen all of the episodes, but since I bought it, it was necessary to relive every hilarious, Karen-hating moment of it. Since we watched the safety training episode, we've been trying to find ways to slip the phrase "You ignorant slut!" in conversation. I guess it's no worse than "That's what she said."
For three years my father has gone to Haiti on a mission trip, and for three years he's wanted me to go with, but my mother has absolutely refused to let me go to underdeveloped nations. But this June I get to go with him. Seriously, she said I could go this year, so yay! I think it had something to do with the fact that I mentioned joining the Missionaries of Charity, and she'd rather have me go to Haiti with my father for a week than to India with a religious order forever... But as long as the trip doesn't conflict with Peter and Ally's wedding (which Peter has threatened to ship me to), I get to go on my first international mission trip this year!
I was talking to Dom a few nights ago about this article someone wrote for the Troub about desperate girls on campus and that the only solution for every girl to have a boyfriend is for the non-discerning guys to start a system called polydaty. We thought it was pretty funny, and then she said that I should start that considering everything that's happened this year. It sounds like a really good idea...
Anyway, I would love to talk more about random things like late night taco bell runs with the boys, but I need to go put up flyers for La Escuela del Maestro.

recent stuff

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 20:04:14 GMT

well, Midnight Madness was lots of fun, but the 80s dance sucked. Might have been better if Andy hadn't totally ditched me the moment we got there and then dropped me off early to go hang out with other people (because clearly I don't enjoy hanging out).
anyway, the next day I went to Mass early and then got it in my head that I wanted to make waffles. Jake was sick, so he wasn't going to be making any breakfast, so I invited him over. He had just gotten this tatoo on his forearm of Our Lady of Guadalupe, and that was pretty awesome. But I shouldn't have invited him over because he ended up getting me sick.
Despite this, I went down to Ave this weekend for Fall Break. It was pretty fun seeing everybody and the new campus. We went to the English Pub Saturday night, and that made me happy. The downside was that I didn't get to see any of my favorite professors except Maher, and every time someone asked me how I got sick, I'd say "my next door neighbor," so of course everyone's next reaction was "did you guys make out?"
So far this week has been going pretty well. I'm getting over my cold, but still haven't had to work much, and classes have been treating me pretty well.
Unfortunately my computer has died, so I'm in the computer lab now and should be on Craig's list or something looking up how I can get a fairly inexpensive replacement. But instead I'm updating my journal for the first time in a few weeks, so there you go.

what's new in dreary Ohio

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 20:05:30 GMT

Andy came over last night to watch the office for the first time in like 3 weeks. It was good, which probably had something to do with the fact that he sat on the chair, I sat on the couch, so there was very little contact...
Anyway, today I worked until 12 and then we met at the Vocations Fair. We're both planning on going to this 80s dance tomorrow night, so we needed clothes, and he honestly didn't have any idea what he could wear, so I had to help him out a bit. I got the most ridiculous black and red sequined dress EVER, but it's going to be hilarious. There will be pictures to follow on facebook, I promise.
So tonight Andy's football team has a playoff game which I'm going to, unless it gets canceled b/c of the weather. Then later we're going to Midnight Baron Madness (yes, our school is doing it a week late), so this weekend looks like it's going to be a lot of fun. Even if we aren't going to Scranton for The Office Convention...

why is this important?

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 06:05:00 GMT

Ok, I understand that Harry Potter books have become very important in modern culture, and rightly so.

But what kind of society do we live in that takes the development of a ficitonal character and turns it into a newsworthy phenomenon?

J.K. Rowling outs Hogwarts character By HILLEL ITALIE, AP National Writer
1 hour, 20 minutes ago

Harry Potter fans, the rumors are true: Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay. J.K. Rowling, author of the mega-selling fantasy series that ended last summer, outed the beloved character Friday night while appearing before a full house at Carnegie Hall.

After reading briefly from the final book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," she took questions from audience members.

She was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds "true love."

"Dumbledore is gay," the author responded to gasps and applause.

She then explained that Dumbledore was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards. "Falling in love can blind us to an extent," Rowling said of Dumbledore's feelings, adding that Dumbledore was "horribly, terribly let down."

Dumbledore's love, she observed, was his "great tragedy."

"Oh, my god," Rowling concluded with a laugh, "the fan fiction."

Potter readers on fan sites and elsewhere on the Internet have speculated on the sexuality of Dumbledore, noting that he has no close relationship with women and a mysterious, troubled past. And explicit scenes with Dumbledore already have appeared in fan fiction.

Rowling told the audience that while working on the planned sixth Potter film, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," she spotted a reference in the script to a girl who once was of interest to Dumbledore. A note was duly passed to director David Yates, revealing the truth about her character.

Rowling, finishing a brief "Open Book Tour" of the United States, her first tour here since 2000, also said that she regarded her Potter books as a "prolonged argument for tolerance" and urged her fans to "question authority."

Not everyone likes her work, Rowling said, likely referring to Christian groups that have alleged the books promote witchcraft. Her news about Dumbledore, she said, will give them one more reason.

This is silly, I'm going to watch the trailer for "The Human Experience."

short meme from Heather, thus I just copied the questions here...

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 04:22:01 GMT

20 years ago, I...
was 2 and in Memphis

15 years ago, I...
was 7, still in Memphis

10 years ago,
I was in 7th grade at good ol' Incarnation.

5 years ago,
I was 17, my senior year of highschool. If only I could have stayed so innocent...

2 years ago,
I was 20 years old, getting used to the idea of graduating from Ave, and about to break up with Kyle. But all of these turned out to be good changes.

1 year ago,
I was in my last year at Ave, taking some awesome classes, and getting to know my rollies

So far this year,
I graduated, worked at Victoria's Secret, finally made the long awaited trip back to Steubie, and have already managed to get involved in two almost-relationships (seriously, there's something about the guys here)

Yesterday, I...
went to the Maryland Ren Fest with Peter and Ally and then to Marianne's house to watch part of a movie :D

Today, I...
went to Mass, lunch, and then eventually came back up to Ohio with Ally

Tomorrow, I'll...
go to work, Mass with Steve, maybe more work, dinner, class, and hopefully go to Step Dancing.

so went to Maryland this weekend, which was kinda fun, but not amazing. I happened to see Andy right before we left which was fine at the time, but then in the car I got all sad again about what happened. Plus Steve couldn't come down with us, so I was the awkward third wheel with Peter and Ally. But the Ren Fest was pretty fun and they're thinking of making me a bridesmaid for the wedding, so that's exciting. Anyway, need to finish stupid waste-of-time "paper" that's due tomorrow.

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 18:40:36 GMT

I think I'm having an existential crisis.

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 20:05:04 GMT

so, I saw Kyle today. While I was with Andy. We crossed each other's paths a few times and kinda pretended to look the other way. Finally I figured that this was ridiculous, because I'm actually over him, I'm happy that he's married, and I'm happy that it's not me. So the next time I saw him I said hey, and we did the basic small talk thing, while he was inching away the whole time. I didn't introduce Andy to him because he looked like he wanted to get away as soon as possible, and I figured that if he asked, it might get a little complicated to try to explain to him that whole thing. I wish it didn't have to be so awkward, but whatevs.
Anyway, the party last night was a success, everyone loved the food. Andy came over for a bit, but he had another party to go to and he knew more people at that party, so he left after like half an hour.
Anyway, Scythian is playing tonight. suffice to say, I'm super excited. After that I think we might hit up one of the local bars, so good times for all!